Words by Smiley Team
Our brains are often hardwired to focus on what’s wrong in our lives. But we can change that. Vanessa King, head of workplaces and positive psychology at Action for Happiness, says there are lots of small actions we can make in our days that can make us feel happier – they are simple, and take little time.
Here are five things you can do.
[Read about the 10 keys to happier living]
We are super harsh with ourselves, says Vanessa. In fact, stats show we are 75% harsher on ourselves than we are on other people if they mess up. So we’re just creating stress and unhappiness for ourselves internally. We have to accept everyone is a mix of good – and less good. “You could ask, ‘what did I do well today? What was good enough? What am I proud of today? Or what strengths did I use today?” Nurture those good qualities, rather than focusing on the negative.
“When we’re harshly critical, it triggers our threat system and that stops us from exploring and connecting with others,” she says. “Everyone messes up! Be a bit more compassionate to yourself and ask yourself what you can learn from this experience instead. Turn your inner critic into an inner coach!”
“A lot of us think we’re crazy busy, but if you look at data, we’ve got a lot more time,” says Vanessa. “But now, our attention is split. Our phones drive a shorter attention span and our brains don’t multitask well. It makes us inefficient.”
The healthiest way to be, she says, is to allow yourself allocated time on your phone, such as half an hour at lunch and then in the evening. “Limit your time on it,” she says, “get rid of your alerts – it’s controlling, and you should be controlling it.” But also, she adds, check in with how you feel after being on Instagram or a social media app. Do you feel better, or happier? Take a note of how it makes you feel.
Different emotions are associated with different breathing patterns, explains Vanessa. We tend to have short, shallow breaths when we are anxious. But, if we breathe in different ways, we can help trigger different emotions. “Deliberate deep breathing, from the belly and slow on the out breath, can instigate a feeling of calm,” she says. It will give you a little nudge towards being able to cope better.
[Discover more positive stories on Smiley News’ homepage]
We all live busy lives, so taking time out to do something good for ourselves is restorative in itself, says Vanessa. Think of the type of downtime activity you’d enjoy – we all love vegging in front of the sofa, but what could you do that’d help instil a sense of calm?
“There are all sorts of hobbies, such as more people took up baking during lockdown,” she says. “These are good for our psychological wellbeing.”
The best way to cheer yourself up is to cheer someone else up, says Vanessa. “When we help other people, it’s not only nice for them, but it activates the reward centre in our own brains to make us feel good.”
Connecting with others is also great for our wellbeing. And it doesn’t need to be something big. Giving a friend a call. “Think to yourself: what’s the smallest thing you can do to make the biggest difference?”
Find out more at Action for Happiness, the movement of people committed to building a happier and more caring society. Visit their Instagram to find out more, too. And donate here.
