10:00, 14 October 2021
Words by Smiley Team, Staff Writer, London
An inspirational woman deserves an everyday hero award for her commitment to her work, ensuring couples who lose a child are supported as much as humanly possible.
Tracy Campey, 51, an NHS bereavement midwife in Leeds, has been working in her role for the past two and a half years - but has been a midwife since 2011.
“I have personal experience of baby loss many years ago and at that time there was no one there for me,” she explains, “so when this post was advertised, I saw it as an opportunity to try and make some difference to our bereaved families.
"I'm aware that sadly I cannot change what has already happened, but I can empathise with them, validate their grief, listen to them and be their voice when they are feeling scared and isolated and unable to advocate for themselves.”
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Every family is unique, says Tracy, so their needs differ. But her main goal is to be there to support when they are at their lowest ebb. “Bereaved parents will often want to talk about their baby and share photos, just like they would if they were still alive, but this can sometimes be difficult for them to do this with their family and friends, for fear of upsetting them,” she says. “However, because I’ve often had the privilege of meeting their baby, I’m happy to sit and talk about their baby and much as they like.”
She says lots of people often struggle with what to say to a bereaved family because they’re worried about saying the wrong thing - or making things worse - so there may be a tendency for them to say nothing.
One of the women Tracy helped is called Jessica Hodkinson, 34, from Leeds. “Tracy is someone I wish I never knew but at the same time I don’t know where I would be without her,” says Jessica. They met at the hospital in Leeds after Jessica’s daughter Zadie was sadly stilborn in January 2021.
“Tracy was with us from day one, taking us through every detail of what would happen in hospital - to navigating the weeks that would follow,” she says. “For example, planning a funeral and getting the right emotional support via counselling services.
“Even though I know this is a job, Tracy felt more like a friend and personalised the whole experience by using Zadie’s name and dropping in to see my partner and I during the weeks following our loss. She never once made us feel like we were taking up too much of her time and any questions we had were answered quickly and with compassion.
“I honestly don’t feel like I could have got through the months that followed without having Tracy in our lives.”
[Find out how charities are driving positive change in the world]
“Knowing that Jess feels my support was beneficial to her and her partner when their much loved and precious baby girl died, means the absolute world to me,” says Tracy.
“I feel incredibly privileged that I was able to ‘hold’ them through some of the darkest days of their lives. Knowing that I made some small difference, helps to make what is often a very difficult and emotionally challenging job so much worthwhile.”
For more information and support on baby loss, visit Sands charity. Sands works to support anyone affected by the death of a baby; improve the care bereaved parents receive; and create a world where fewer babies die.
