06:30, 11 September 2024
Words by Abi Scaife, Staff Writer, London
When dating, the advice given by well-meaning loved ones is often to put your best foot forward; show your prospective love interests your very best self, polish and perfect until you shine. Unfortunately, in a world that frequently forces neurodivergent people to ‘mask’, that can be pretty damaging.
According to The Brain Charity: “Masking is the act of suppressing or concealing neurodivergent traits in schools and workplace in order to appear neurotypical.”
Masking affects people in a variety of ways, but for many, it can be exhausting. Having to curb your natural instincts and coping mechanisms in favour of what is ‘acceptable’ or ‘understood’ can wear you down - and that’s what Jamie Johnston saw in his own dating experience.
"I was very vocal about [my] neurodiversity... but I was living a double life in online dating, where I wasn't comfortable talking [about my ADHD,” explains Jamie. “The platforms are just so competitive and very overwhelming."
It was this difficult experience with online dating that led Jamie to create Mattr.
Mattr is an inclusive dating app, tailored to neurodivergent people, and aimed at removing many of the obstacles that are involved in online dating - like feeling the need to mask. They are determined to create a comfortable and safe space for people neurodivergencies like ADHD and Autism to build relationships, in a way that is tailored to their needs.
"People try and be as perfect as they can be in these places,” says Jamie. “That leads people to mask. They go on dates, pretending to be people they're not... there was no space for us."
Plus, dating apps are extremely addictive. The swiping motion many apps employ, the rush of dopamine when you get a match means it can be incredibly hard to put down. But, of course, that’s part of the aim, to get you so invested in the app, that you stop thinking about its objective.
As with most things, Mattr takes a different approach.
Jamie says: "Everything we do from getting you onto the app until when you're actually using it, is all targeted around keeping your mental health good while you use the product, and not overwhelming or addicting you."
While Mattr isn’t solely for people who are neurodivergent, for the first time this is an app that is tailored to those people, instead of requiring them to jump through neurotypical hoops. Plus, on Mattr, the knowledge that those using the app are inherently understanding of neurodiversities is a comfort to many.
In a revolutionary move for dating apps, Mattr axed the swiping altogether - and even gives you limited matches. You can ‘time-out’ the app if you feel like you need a break and, not only will the app hide your profile, it will notify the people you are taking to that you are taking some time away.
“A lot of the prompts we have in Mattr have kind of neurodivergent nuances within them,” says Jamie. “That's where you can [mention] you’re neurodivergent, and other people on the app can respond.”
Mattr also has the option to filter your search to other neurodivergent people only, if that’s something you’re interested in.
As well as making it easier to find a date, Mattr also helps you keep those relationships going. Their partnerships, often with neurodivergent-owned businesses, allow you to find discounts on everything from skin and hair care, to prime date locations. You can also find relationship therapists, advice, and coaching, all from within the app.
Another arrow in Mattr’s quiver of being more than your average dating app is their incredible partnership with Enhance the UK, a charity that wants to change the way people view disability.
“I firmly believe in Corporate Social Responsibility, and how you as a brand can be doing the best you can for the community you represent,” says Jamie. “So partnering with a charity is something that we wanted to do [from the start].”
Enhance the UK is a charity run by disabled people, which works with businesses all over the UK and abroad, supporting them in achieving their inclusion goals. They run disability awareness training, and have a variety of resources for disabled people, including around sex, dating and disability.
As part of their partnership, Mattr Enhance the UK’s The Love Lounge, where they can seek free advice on love, relationships, sex, disabilities, and neurodivergence from experts. The Love Lounge is a safe and confidential service that allows people to discuss their worries free from judgement, with people who understand.
“This is just the first step on our CSR journey,” explains Jamie. “But in the future, it's going to be a very big part of what Mattr is, and it's something I as the CEO firmly believe in.”
Despite the fact that Mattr is comprised of a small team, and is pretty new as dating apps go, they’re keen to get stuck in giving back - which is something that we love at Smiley News.
At Smiley Movement, we like to elevate the work of charities across the world. Here are three charities whose causes align with the themes in this article.
The Brain Charity. The Brain Charity provides free support for carers, friends and family of people with any form of neurological condition. Support them here.
The ADHD Foundation. This is a charity focusing on supporting and educating those with neurodivergence, including ADHD. Find out more here.
ADHD UK. This charity exists to help people with ADHD thrive, positively changing what it means to have ADHD in the UK. Learn more here.
